let's talk about ***

so here's the deal: for some reason i felt like i had the "umph" to write a blog at 11:48pm on a thursday night. no idea why. no idea what is on my mind, but i just decided to write. so here it is. i hope it's a success....

okay, i got news yesterday or the day before of something that really bothered me. i don't necessarily have to say what it is to the entire blogging world. it just really bothered me. that's really all the background a person needs. oh and i found out a day or two ago. so we're gonna call this news, umm, let's call it ***. i think that'll make it easier to type about.

so, i heard about *** - let's say two days ago, and i didn't really think anything of it. i actually just accepted it, because things like *** have become the norm lately, and honestly, nothing really surprises me anymore. a couple of days went by. then it really hit me this morning, and i was seriously upset with ***. i don't know what emotion i'd say i used, but it was one that hadn't been used in awhile that's for sure. mad, angry, upset - things like that come to mind at first, but there was a little bit of hurt in there too.

anyway, *** made me start thinking about friendships and what a friendship actually is. what qualifies a relationship between two human beings a friendship? i seriously thought about it, and i've decided that my connotation of a friendship could be defined by the internet. facebook more specifically or myspace. i think a friend would be anyone on my friends list on facebook. of course there are those people who aren't on facebook, but the point is, would you add that person as a friend on facebook? if so, in my opinion, that's a friendship.

now, there are different levels of friendship that go beyond facebook of course. there are the types of friends that i went to high school with. i give them a friendly hello when i see them and move on. there are the types of friends that i was close to in high school, but since college we have drifted apart. i give them a more friendly hello, and perhaps catch up a little bit and move on. there are the types of friends that i went to college with. i probably am even more friendly with these friends, catching up, possibly planning on seeing each other soon at a party or something. then there are the types of friends i met at various jobs. i give them a friendly hello, catch up a little bit and move on. then there are the types of friends that are my family. perhaps that greatest friendship of all. and of course there are the types of friends that get the title "best friends". i can tell them anything, i can expect them to be able to tell me anything, i can spend hours talking about nothing with them, and i can laugh constantly with them.

i'm sure there are other types of friends, but you get the picture. in thinking about ***, i came to the conclusion that friendships are way too difficult for me to understand. in a realtionship such as a friendship, how does a person know what type of friend they are considered? in friendship ab, does person a consider person b to be the same type of friend person b considers person a to be? i know, that was tough, but hang in there. especially in the "best" friendship. people drift apart, i know. it's natural. times change. people change. but what is the defining point? how do you know when you have gone from being considered a "best" friend to just a friend from wherever? is it obvious? do both person a and person b change the type of friend they consider the other to be at the same time? what happens when one leaves the other behind? they're still there thinking everything is normal, and you're done. moved on.

that's all i could come to the conclusion of with the case of ***. here i am. i know everything will probably - no, it won't ever be completely normal again, but i'm still here, and i guess you're done. moved on? i don't know. i've never had to deal with something like *** before.

because i'm still here, confused as hell, i feel like i want to get mad and demand answers, but then i come to my senses for a little bit. you've moved on. what's the point in being mad? why cause a huge fuss? i just really want to know, what was the "defining point"? what caused ***? things like it have been happening for months now, and *** was just too much for me. i don't know why it was too much - actually, i feel like i do know why....because i don't understand it. at all.

well, i wasn't expecting that type of an entry, but i'm satisfied with it. if it's just way too confusing for you, join the club....oh boy i'm tired now.


P E A C E ☮ U T
Cameron